stormy weather
You know that weird calm after a hurricane, twister, or even an earthquake? where everything in and out of sight is just a mess, but all you can think is “did that really just happen?” I am having that moment right now… not that we just experienced this huge world disaster, although i know that there is many things in this world going on. But internally, in my life. I cant help but reflect this last year, more so, these last 6 months. Neither has been short of chaos, you know that storm, and now i am left to reflect on it, Do I Go forward or back.
I recently moved back to Oak Harbor, the place where i graduated High School from, the place where either everyone wants to leave or where people want to stay, i was that girl who couldn’t wait to get out of here, for many reasons, One because I wanted to show everyone that i could do so much more than be that loud obnoxious black girl who just got by in high school, I wanted to leave because that is what you are suppose to do after high school ….right? And most importantly i wanted to leave because i wanted a new life for myself, a life that wasn’t my old one, a life that i got to make all the decisions regardless good or bad. Well i did complete my freshmen year at a university and it was so hard but it was such an amazing experience I met some of the most amazing people, my roommate was so much more than amazing, most of those memories will be with me the rest of my life, and for that i am so thankful. I left because i felt a different call, and that call was clear, so i went and learned A LOT more about life, mostly how to persevere through tough situations, I lost some friends but gained some great ones, i learned that my priorities are different then others (oh shocker) I learned that some personalities just don’t get along but itS my duty as a christian to pray for them i learned that people will go down different roads regardless of how hard you try to put a road block on the point in which you each turn, i learned that Hope is not just another word in the dictionary but its a meaning that you carry in your heart wherever that road may take you. I also learned that Jesus is with me every step of the way, regardless if i was pursuing him or not, regardless if i wanted it or not and regardless if my head was down. I also learned that i can be wrong (yeah another big shocker). In the moment i couldn’t have told you i learned a thing, but our big gracious God always put something in our mind or on our hearts at the perfect time and i guess this is my perfect time! I know that some things will never ever be the same, but i also know all the chaos was worth it, and that it will continually be worth it, every fight, tear,and smile so worth the it! yesterday it was hard to say, but i would do it all over again to be at the point i am today. which if you know where i am today, its not as glamorous as being in a four year university or whatever! But i have a peace that is so overwhelming that i know is directly from God some may disagree, and that is okay!
So what now? i am choosing to take the road forward in a place that i know that if I am praising Jesus he will meet me here.. and know that in whatever i do, and in Jesus name, i am pleasing him and to me that is what matters! I have made a decision to stay in Oak Harbor for at the very least a year. Its a challenge in many aspects, but i know that putting God first and taking it day by day i will get through! i know that this is just the very beginning of my story book and cant wait to see what God has in store, even through The storms and the calming after the storms <3
can i ask for your help a little, every time you think about me or see my picture or something, just lift a little prayer up for me cause i need it! <3
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
famine
Ive been challenged to do this 30 hour famine.. which is basically fasting for 30 hours.
in the midst of doing this ive been praying for diffrent things, and in the midst of praying this morning i was sooo hungry….on the verge of tears cause i was so weak…i was thinking to myself of how PATHATIC i am beacuse there are soo many people, starving, even in our “back yard” and at that moment, i asked the lord to fill me up with his love and grace, i am now full…of gods grace compassion and love.
when i was challenged to do this 30 hour famine, i was like “yeah i can go hungry for 30 hours”….. but what i lacked at that moment was the knowledge that i wasnt just going to go hungry i was going to gain so much more in these 30 hours, than any other 30 hours i have lived!
Although i can not wait till 4 o’clock today when i can eat a meal, im so greatful and humbled to be doing this!
Grace every step of the way!
I am so amazed by the way God speaks to me! when i am empty God says drink of me, and then fills me up, when i am alone, God says lean on me and then he hugs me tight, when i call out to him he says…i have been right here!
Lord my you continue to carry me…
70 degrees in Nampa= my first freckles of the season, and they are soo cute!!
idaho bound
its crazy to think I have less than six weeks till school is over or maybe five I don’t really know…but the point is…I’m almost done with my freshmen year of college, now regardless if I ever go back to a four year university I can still say “I finished one year at a over priced university ” what an accomplishment yeah! ha… I’m so. excited to be moving in with my best friend ! I’m so excited to see what God has in store for the church plant our future and our friendship :)
